Harry and friends watching AVPM
by mkampen
Summary: Harry and nine other people in put in a room to watch A Very Potter Musical. I know many before me have done this thing, but I really love these types of fanfics and figured I'd try and do one myself. Hope you like it just a little bit at least. Set one year after the war. Please go watch the musical on youtube before you read this because why would you even need a reason why?
1. Act 1, Part 1

Act 1

Part 1

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny had appeared in a rather large and comfy-looking room. A fire was dancing in the fireplace. There was a big sofa and several armchairs surrounding a big TV hanging on the wall. There were six doors leading out of the room. One door had a sign saying _"Kitchen"_ , another _"Bathroom"_. The remaining doors were unmarked.

Before the four guests could begin to wonder how they'd ended up there they were joined by another familiar face.

"Draco?" Harry said. The confused looking boy turned to look at the four of them.

"Where am I?" he demanded.

Hermione looked around, her mouth slightly open. "I wish I knew," she said.

The moment she had spoken the words, the TV turned itself on and showed a message: _"Hello. I'm sure you have many questions. You will be told what you're all doing here as soon as everyone has arrived. The others will be here shortly. I'm sorry for the delay, but as they are all supposed to be dead it takes a bit longer than planned to get them here. Thank you for your patience."_

" _'_ _Supposed to be dead',_ " Harry read out loud. "What do they mean by that?"

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Ron. He checked his pockets for his wand only to discover it had gone. "What the–! Where's my wand?"

"You've lost it?" said Harry as he felt his own pocket. His wand was missing too.

"Harry," Hermione said in a weak voice.

"Hermione, is you wand–" Harry looked up at her and saw that she was staring at something behind him. He turned round and felt a lump form in his throat.

A young woman with dark red hair and green eyes like his was staring at him. She was standing next to a man looking so much like Harry someone who had just met him might think he was standing in front of a mirror. They both looked utterly confused. Though the man's eyes travelled quickly and repeatedly between the five teens, the woman's eyes remained locked with Harry's.

"Mum?" Harry said weakly, almost in disbelief.

The red-haired women took a step forward, frowning. "Harry?"

Harry's mouth had gone completely dry and all he could do when Lily Potter finally ran forward and embraced him was standing there, too shocked to say or do anything.

"Is it really you?" Lily asked and held him by the shoulders at an arms length. Harry nodded. She hugged him again and this time Harry hugged back. He found himself wondering whether he would be able to let go. "You're all grown up." Lily whispered softly.

"Can I get a hug, too?" Harry heard the voice of someone who could only be his father.

His mother let go and Harry saw his father beaming at him.

"Bloody hell," Ron said under his breath.

"Wait," Lily said suddenly after a moment. Everybody looked at her. "Does this mean you're dead? All of you?"

"I don't think so," Hermione assured her.

"I certainly don't remember dying," Ginny shrugged.

James opened his mouth to say something, but Lily cut him off. She was staring at a spot on the other side of the room. "Severus?"

Quite right. Severus Snape had appeared in the room. And before anyone could say anything else, two other figures appeared next to him.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed and ran to embrace his best friend, almost knocking over Snape in the process. Lily and Remus, who was the last person of the new arrivals, laughed as Sirius and James reunited. The other people in the room shared rather confused glances and looks.

There was a small 'ding' drawing everyone's attention to the TV. There was a new message: " _Hello. I'm sure you have a lot of questions and I hope I can answer at least some of them. I have brought you all here to watch three musicals about Harry's life. The musicals are made by Muggles._ _In an alternate universe Harry's years at Hogwarts have been turned into books for Muggles to enjoy. A group of fans decided to make this masterpiece of a musical in their honor._

 _The musicals do not follow the correct timeline of Harry's adventures, as I'm sure you'll notice. Remus, Sirius, James and Lily do not appear in the first musical, but I am sure they will enjoy it nonetheless._

 _This is all for your own entertainment. You will realize that magic does not work in this room, nor in any of the other rooms you can enter from here. You will get your wands back before you leave. Sit back and enjoy the musical. You will not be able to leave before all three musicals have been watched._

 _I will recommend you to explain about your many adventures at Hogwarts to your parents beforehand, Harry. And when you're ready the first musical will begin."_

Harry looked around the room at the crowd: his friends, his ex-professors, his godfather and his parents. He smiled wildly and then he turned to his parents and said, "I'll tell you everything, but I'll need some help."

It took about three hours to get through everything. Ron and Hermione greatly helped Harry telling the story. Sirius had been shocked to find out that Harry and Ginny were now dating and even more so when he found out that Remus had a son. James and Lily did not take the fact that Sirius had spent twelve years in Azkaban lightly. And Snape having been on Dumbledore's side the whole time seemed to soften the obvious tension between him the old rivals, Sirius and James.

In the end everybody was filled in on the most important events of Harry's life and they were ready to watch the musical.

Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny took the sofa. The rest each found themselves an armchair. Though there were more free seats, James and Lily decided to share one of the chairs. Harry thought he saw Snape send a longing look in Lily's direction.

 _(Music starts. Starkid logo.)_

 _The words "A Very Potter Musical" appeared on the screen. Lights up on Harry._

"Is that supposed to be you?" Ginny asked Harry and she fell into fits of laughter, as did Sirius and Malfoy.

 ** _Harry:_** **** ** _(Singing) Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers, I feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt._**

"What does that mean?" Lily snapped. She looked worried at Harry.

Harry shrugged. "I told you how badly Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon treated me growing up." He mumbled.

"Yes, but what was that bit about the stairs?" she asked.

"Oh, I guess I forgot to say. Until I was eleven, my bedroom was in a cupboard under the stairs." Harry saw the shocked looks on their faces and quickly added, "It's fine, really. I turned out good anyway, didn't I? This is why I didn't tell you in the first place. Can we please just continue watching?"

No one said anything and the musical started playing again.

 ** _Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want. I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles, but despite all of my struggles… I'm still alive._**

"A great achievement when you think of it," Remus said.

"What I wouldn't give to have a normal life," Harry sighed.

"Normal?" James laughed. "What's the fun in that?"

 ** _I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now. I gotta get to Hogwarts!_**

A lot of yeah's and whoo's and laughter erupted around the room.

 ** _Gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool._**

"You wish, Potter," Malfoy smirked.

"That's not even remotely true," Harry shook his head.

 ** _Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! I think I'm going back._**

"Kind of makes you want to go back to Hogwarts, doesn't it?" said Sirius.

"Oh yeah," James agreed.

"I'd love to go back," Lily said. "Everything was easier then, wasn't it?"

"Speak for yourself," said Ron and Harry laughed.

 ** _I'll see my friends, gonna laugh till we cry. Take my Firebolt gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome!_**

"Well, I'd hope not!" said Hermione half shocked, half sternly.

"Relax, won't you?" Ron told her. "I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it."

Hermione nodded, but she still looked a little worried.

 ** _I'll cast some spells with the flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark arts, yeah, bring it on!_**

"No, please don't." Harry said sadly.

 ** _And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome._**

 ** _Ron:_** **** ** _Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome!_**

The room was filled with laughter. Ron looked disbelievingly at the screen. "Is that supposed to be me?"

"Y– yes!" Ginny gasped through fits of laughter.

"Looking good, Weasley," said Malfoy.

"No one asked you, Malfoy," Ron sat back with his arms crossed.

 ** _(Speaking) Did someone say Ron Weasley? Woo! What's up, buddy? Sorry it took me so long to get here I had to get… some Floo Powder, but we gotta get going. Come on, get your trunk, let's go!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Where are we going?_** ****

 ** _Ron_** ** _: To Diagon Alley of course!_**

"Wait, what year are we supposed to be in?" Harry asked.

"Not first year," said Malfoy. "They're singing ' _back_ to Hogwarts'.

"I don't know, Harry," said Hermione when Harry turned to her. "I guess we'll find out sooner or later, won't we?"

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Cool!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Come on!_** ****

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Floo Powder power, Floo Powder power, Floo Powder power, Floo Powder power!_**

"You look ridiculous," Ginny said matter-of-factly.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: (Singing) It's been so long, but we're going back. Don't go for work, don't go there for class._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: As long as we're together –_** ****

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Gonna kick some ass! And it's gonna be totally awesome!_**

"Really?" Hermione said sceptically.

"Hey," Ron lifted his arms defensively, "don't blame us. This is the musical talking."

 ** _This year we'll take everybody by storm. Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm._**

"Oh really?" Snape raised his eyebrows at Harry.

"I only snuck out of my dorm at night when I had to!"

"That actually sounded more like you and Sirius," Lily glanced up at James who simply shrugged, though he was smiling.

"Well, we did take everybody by storm," Sirius grinned.

"You certainly did not," Snape replied.

Before Sirius could say anything Remus spoke: "I say we stop this argument right now and keep watching this musical."

Sirius and Snape fell back into their armchairs, both watching the TV silently.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: But lets not forget that we need to preform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!_**

"Okay, but that sounded like something Remus would say," James said. Sirius laughed. As did Harry, Ginny and Ron. Hermione looked as if she didn't know whether to laugh or not at her character's introduction and simply ended up staring open-mouthed at the screen.

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Woah!_** ****

 ** _Ron_** ** _: (Speaking) God, Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?_**

"I'm not a buzzkill!" she rounded on Ron who winced visibly.

"I never said you were! It's the musical!"

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we wanna be good witches and wizards. (Singing) I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart._**

"Frumpy?" Hermione whispered sadly.

"You're not frumpy Hermione!" Ginny assured her. "You never were." Hermione smiled back at her.

 ** _Check out my grades, they're A's for a start._**

"A's?" Malfoy inquired. "'Acceptable?"

"I think they mean O's." Hermione frowned. "In the Muggle world A is the highest grade. They probably put some Muggle aspects into the musical seeing it's made by Muggles for Muggles."

 ** _What I lack in looks, well I make up in heart and, well guys, yeah that is totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: That would be cool if you were actually hot._**

Hermione rounded on Ron again and punched him in the arm. Ginny actually crawled over both Harry and Hermione to hit him over the head.

"Ow! Again, I never actually said that!" Ron cried.

James and Sirius laughed and Lily rolled her eyes.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey Ron! Come on, we're the only friends that she's got._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: And that's cool._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: And that's totally awesome._**

"You are kind of awesome," said Hermione meekly. Harry sent her a wide smile and Ron gave her a one-armed hug.

 ** _Harry, Ron and Hermione_** ** _: Yeah it so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery for anyone to see how!_**

 ** _We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. We gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magic-cool!_**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! I think we're going back!_**

"Well, that was certainly… interesting," Remus finished in lack of a better word.

"I want to see more!" Sirius beamed.

"Me too!" James said loudly, punching the air.

"You have to, remember?" Malfoy said. "We can't leave before we've watched all the musicals."

"Shall we just continue with the next video then?" Hermione asked and the others agreed.


	2. Part 2

_Part 2_

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles mom gave you for my robe fitting._**

Several people in the room laughed. Ginny groaned loudly.

"You have got to be kidding me," she muttered as she shook her head.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Um, who's this?_**

"Ginny," Ron answered in a whisper as he tried not to laugh aloud.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: This is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny. She's a freshman._**

"Freshman?" James asked.

"Another Muggle aspect," Hermione told him.

"It means she's a first year," Lily added seeing James looked even more confused than before.

"That means we're supposed to be in second year," Ron said enthusiastically.

"Wait," Harry said sounding somewhat nervous. "Does that mean the basilisk will be in this one?"

"Maybe, but the note on the screen earlier said the musicals didn't follow the correct timeline," Hermione shrugged.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see," Malfoy said from his armchair. He sounded a bit impatient.

 ** _Ginny, this is Harry. Harry Potter. This is Harry Potter._**

"I think she got it, Ron," Lily smiled.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Oh, you're Harry Potter. You're the boy who lived._**

Ginny winced. "I was gonna say that I wasn't like that, but I really was, wasn't I?"

"No you weren't," Harry smiled at her. "You didn't talk to me at all."

"Somehow that's not better, is it?" Ginny sighed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Yeah, and you're Ginny._**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: It's Ginevra._**

"Don't ever call me Ginevra!" Ginny pointed a stern finger at Harry, who laughed. "Only Auntie Muriel calls me that and I hate it."

"Relax," Harry laid an arm around her. "I won't ever call you Ginev–" Ginny gave him a warning look. He coughed. "Er – call you by that name."

It was Ginny's turn to laugh. "Good," she said and rested her head on Harry's shoulder.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Cool, Ginny's fine._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Stupid sister! (Ron does that clap-thingy)_**

"What was that?" Malfoy asked.

"I have no idea," said Harry.

 ** _Don't crowd the famous friend!_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Do you guys hear music or something?_**

"There's been playing music this whole time," said Sirius.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Music? What are you talking about?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Yeah, someone's coming._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Someone's coming._**

 ** _Cho and co_** ** _: (Singing) Cho Chang! Domo arigato, Cho Chang! Gung hey fat, Choy Chang! Happy, happy New Year, Cho Chang!_**

The teens watched the screen open-mouthed and wide-eyed. It was Ron who broke the silence.

"Wow."

Everybody laughed.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: (Speaking) Whoa, who's that?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: That's Cho Chang._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year._**

"What?" James exclaimed. "You didn't tell us that."

Harry blushed. "It didn't seem important to mention."

"So it's true?"

"Well, no." Ron snorted and Harry glared at him. "It was just a small crush. And it wasn't really until fourth year that –"

"'Small crush'?" Hermione said disbelievingly.

"I have a girlfriend now! I'm in love with Ginny, not Cho! Can we please continue with the musical?" Harry said loudly.

Ginny grinned and kissed him on the cheek.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well yeah, you never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot!_**

"That actually sounds like something you would say," Ginny grimaced.

"Does not," Ron said.

"Well, actually…" Hermione began.

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!"

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Konichiwa, Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley._**

 ** _Lavender_** ** _: Bitch I ain't Cho Chang!_**

"Did not see that coming," Sirius laughed.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: That's Lavender Brown! (Does clap-thingy again) Racist sister!_**

"Honestly! Why am I reacting so badly to the clapping– whatever it is?"

 ** _Cho_** ** _: Hey! It's all right! I'm Cho Chang, y'all._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: She is totally perfect._**

"No, she's definitely not," Harry shook his head.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that? Who is that guy?_**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: (Pushing Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny aside) (Singing) Cho Chang! I am so in love with Cho Chang. From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!_**

"That's also a way of introducing a new character," Remus said bemused.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: (Speaking) I hate that guy! I hate him._**

"I never hated him," Harry mumbled. "Disliked him, maybe, but never hated."

 ** _Ron_** ** _: So are we gonna get those robes or not?_**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Okay, alright, I'm going!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: God, sister!_**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Present you arm, nerd!_**

"Who's this meant to be?" Hermione asked. No one answered.

 ** _Neville_** ** _: Wha-what will you…_**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Indian-burn-hex_**

 ** _Neville_** ** _: Aaaaghh!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh… Crabbe and Goyle._**

The kids fell into fits of laughter. Even Snape smiled a little.

"Of course they're in this musical as well," Harry shook his head, still laughing.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Are you ok?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?_**

"That's Neville?" Hermione said surprised.

"At least he sounds more like the Harry we know now," said Ginny.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous you can_** _ **boss everyone around!**_

"Not at all," Harry sighed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys on your size to be picking on guys like Neville, come on._**

"You tell him, Harry," Ron joked.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Oh well, you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! BREAK! We hate_** _ **nerds!**_

 ** _Crabbe_** ** _: And girls!_**

"But… He's played by a girl."

"I think that's the joke, Hermione," Sirius answered.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well, you asked for it! You don't mess with Harry Potter. He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby._**

"I had nothing to do with that!" Harry said exasperated. "It's my mother who–"

"Calm down mate," Ron said. "We know that."

Harry sighed. He looked to the side and saw Lily smiling proudly at him. He smiled back and returned his attention to the screen.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Reparo!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Whoa, cool!_**

They laughed.

"Very clever way to give the illusion of magic," Remus chuckled.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone._**

"A great insult," Malfoy drawled.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?_**

Everyone laughed except Malfoy who stared blankly at the screen. Even Snape couldn't keep from chuckling along with the others.

"I'm played by a girl?" Malfoy said after a while. His expression seemed very confused and, somewhat, disappointed.

They all laughed harder at this.

"It's okay, Draco," Harry said after collecting himself. "It's not even that funny."

He could feel Malfoy glaring at him, but he didn't dear look in his direction in fear of losing it again.

Malfoy sighed and breathed, "This can't be happening."

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What do you want Draco?_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Crabbe, Goyle! Be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre of wizard._**

More laughter. Malfoy seemed to bury his face deeper and deeper into his hands.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, listen Malfoy, Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything._**

"Hey! You pushed me!" Ginny said indignantly, glaring at Ron.

"Well, he wasn't talking about you, now, was he?" he answered.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Have it your way. Wait, don't tell me: red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley._**

Ron and Ginny glared at Malfoy who seemed very interested in a loose thread on his armchair all of a sudden.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh my God, lay off, Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass._**

"Oh, that's kind of sweet, Ron," Hermione said. Ron shrugged a bit awkwardly in response.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family._**

"Hey!" Ron spat at Malfoy.

"Don't blame me, it's the musical," Malfoy said innocently. "That's what you said, right?" he grinned.

"That's different," Ron muttered.

"How's that different, Ron?" Lily added the conversation.

"Yeah, how is that different, Ronald?" Hermione crossed her arms over her chest.

Ron looked taken aback by this sudden turn on him. He looked over at Harry for help, but Harry shook his head, not daring to get involved. Malfoy, James and Sirius could be heard sniggering. "I– I mean it's– fine! It's not! Can we watch the bloody musical now?"

 ** _Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!_**

Laughter filled the room again.

"Please tell me that's a real Wizards' school," Sirius begged.

"I doubt it," Remus said, though he was laughing as well.

 ** _(Singing) This year you'll bet,_** _ **gonna get outta here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard**_ _ **career, it's gonna be totally awesome!**_

 ** _Look out world for the dawn of the day when everyone will do whatever I say!_**

Ron snorted loudly. Malfoy glared at him.

 ** _And Potter_** _ **won't be in my way, and then I'll be the one who's totally awesome!**_

"You think I'm awesome?" Harry asked Malfoy. "I never knew."

"Shut up, Potter," Malfoy said, though not as venomous as you'd have thought. "I never thought you were ' _awesome'_."

Harry shrugged. "Whatever you say."

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Guys, come on! We're gonna miss the train._**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: (Singing) Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Maybe at last I'll talk to Cho._**

Harry groaned loudly while his father and Sirius laughed at his discomfort.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!_**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began. And here we are – and ALAKAZAM! Here we go. This is totally awesome!_**

"They do say awesome in this musical a lot, don't they?" Hermione mused.

 ** _Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itching to go._**

 ** _Neville_** ** _: I think we're ready for… Albus Dumbledore!_**

"Dumbledore?" Harry said.

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: Aaaaahhh…_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Welcome…_**

Ron, Ginny, Sirius, James and Remus started laughing while the rest were left staring at the screen utterly bewildered.

"He sure holds that note for a long time," Hermione said.

Harry nodded, still in shock of how his old Headmaster was being portrayed.

 ** _–_** ** _all of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts we've got a hidden swimming pool?_**

"No they don't," Sirius said, "or we'd have found it. Right?" He added with a glance at Remus who shrugged.

 ** _Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties, nerds and tools. Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. (Speaking) My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore. Suppose you could also call me Albus, if you wanted detention. I'm just kidding. I'll expel you if you call me Albus._**

More laughter erupted.

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: (Singing) Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and its all that I need and Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends! To –_**

 ** _Gryffindors_** ** _: Gryffindor!_**

 ** _Hufflepuffs_** ** _: Hufflepuff!_**

 ** _Ravenclaws_** ** _: Ravenclaw!_**

 ** _Slytherins_** ** _: Slytherin!_**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: Back to the place where our story begins, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: I'm sorry, what's its name?_**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: I didn't hear you kids!_**

 ** _Everyone_** ** _: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Man, I'm glad I'm back!_**

There was a lot of cheering and laughter around the room.

"Well, it's funny, I'll give them that," James said as he hugged Lily closer and kissed her cheek.

"I might never get that song out of my head," Ron laughed.

"And the way they portrayed Dumbledore?" Sirius said with a barking laugh.

"Should we see the next video?" Hermione asked looking around. Everyone murmured or nodded in agreement.

 **A/N: The next chapter will be out either on Wednesday or next Sunday, I'm not entirely sure.  
Please review to tell me what you think. What did you like? What didn't you like?  
Let me know. No pressure. Thanks anyway.**


	3. Part 3

**A/N: Yes, I know this chapter is late and yes I am a piece of shit.  
But I hope you can enjoy this chapter none the less.**

 _Part 3_

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Yes, yes. Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favourite student, Mr Harry Potter._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Woo! Woo!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby. He's even got that lightning scar on his forehead to prove it._**

Harry sighed loudly.

 ** _And another special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr Ginny, 'scuse me, Miss Ginny Weasley._**

"Are you kidding me?" Ginny said highly offended. "I do not look like a boy!"

Malfoy sniggered.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Yeah, I'm a girl_**

"Yeah I am!"

 ** _and um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?_**

"I wasn't sorted?" Ginny looked a little disappointed at this.

"That's not right," James stated.

"You don't say," Lily said sarcastically. James tickled her as punishment.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing._**

Sirius snorted loudly. "What?"

 ** _So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference_**

Laughter filled the room.

 ** _aren't going to be back until next year._**

"Please tell me that scarf exist," James laughed.

"But what does it do?" Ginny asked.

"Tell you your sexual preference?" Hermione giggled.

 ** _Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin,_**

"That's so inaccurate!" Lily said.

"I know!" Hermione agreed.

 ** _and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care._**

Lily sighed and shook her head.

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!_**

"Does he ever stop smiling?" asked James.

"Hufflepuffs aren't particularly good finders though, are they?" Ron added uncertainly.

"No, Ronald," Hermione assured him.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?_**

Laughter again. Even Snape chuckled a little.

"That coming from Dumbledore," Remus chuckled.

 ** _Anyway, it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions professor, Mr Severus Snape._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh man, not Snape! I hoped they fired that guy._**

"I'm not gonna apologise for that one," Ron informed them, ignoring Snape's dark eyes that was glaring at him.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Ron what's wrong with Professor Snape?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Uh, nothing, he's just, uh, evil._**

Snape entered the stage and the room exploded with laughter.

"What's he doing with his face?" Ron gasped. His ribs where starting to hurt from laughing so hard.

"This is ridiculous," Snape snarled.

"This is brilliant!" Sirius beamed.

Some time went by until everyone had calmed down a bit.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad. I don't know what you're talking about._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Harry Potter! Detention._**

"I was defending you!" Harry said loudly gesturing towards the TV-screen and glaring at Snape who simply glared back.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: For talking out of turn. Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Yes!_**

Some laughed.

"Hermione…" Ron sighed.

"Pop quizzes are a great way to learn things!" Hermione said defensively.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger?_**

"Of course," Harry and Ron said at the same time. Hermione blushed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touch it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter._**

"What?" Sirius blinked several times.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Very good… Now, can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is_** _ **mentioned earlier in the story to return later in a more significant way.**_

"Remember when she actually used to talk this fast?" Ron asked Harry with a grin.

Harry laughed, but stopped abruptly when he saw the look Hermione sent him.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Perfect!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Wait what's a Portkey again? I missed that one._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: A Portkey is something that –_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Not you! Oh my god…_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: – when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: And remember a Portkey can be any seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin._**

"A dolphin?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"Not my first choice for a Portkey," Remus stated.

"Can you even use something that's alive as a Portkey?" Ginny asked.

"I doubt it," Hermione shook her head.

 ** _Lavender_** ** _: Professor?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Yes?_**

 ** _Lavender_** ** _: Can, like, a person be a Portkey?_**

"No," Snape said sounding bored.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: No, that's absurd! 'Cause then if that person were to touch themselves (looks at Ron)_**

"Hey!" Ron said as the others laughed.

 ** _they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: I'm not even going to tell you, Harry, you'll find out soon enough._**

"So we're finding Horcruxes in this musical," Harry sighed. It wasn't a question.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Oh, no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you! (Pointing at audience) Now, moving right along, there are four houses in all; Gryffindor (Woo! Yeah), Ravenclaw (Oh!), Hufflepuff –_**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Find!_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: What?_**

Some people sniggered.

 ** _And Slytherin (Ah! Sss…). Now traditionally – sss – traditionally points are given for good behaviour and deducted for rule breaking. Example: ten points from Gryffindor!_**

"What?" The Gryffindors in the room looked round at Snape.

"For what?" Sirius exclaimed.

"This is too close to reality," Ron murmured.

 ** _Gryffindors_** ** _: What?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat._**

"Hey!" Ginny looked furious as she glared at Snape who looked indifferent at the screen.

Hermione looked hurt. Ron put his arm around her.

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Thanks, Hermione!_**

"It's not my fault!" Hermione said loudly. Ron quickly retracted his arm.

"We know, Hermione," Harry assured her. "You know we'd never blame you for something like that."

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Never."

Hermione looked a little better after that.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Traditionally the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup, however this year we're doing things a bit differently._**

Harry frowned. This couldn't be good.

 ** _Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrell._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Ow! Ah, ow!_**

"Your scar hurts," said Hermione sounding worried. "But that means–"

"Yeah," Harry interrupted her, still frowning.

Then Quirrell entered the stage and he couldn't keep from laughing with the others.

"He definitely have _someone_ on the back of his head," Ron laughed.

"They couldn't have made it a little less obvious?" James asked no one in particular.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: The House Cup! A time-honoured tradition. For centuries –_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Go home terrorist!_**

"Malfoy!" Hermione said aghast.

"Oh come on, I would never say that," said Malfoy.

"To his face," Ron whispered to Harry.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: For centuries the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come_** _ **from and what are the roots of the tradition?**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: The House Cup Tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts_** _ **students.**_

"Of course she knows," Ron rolled his eyes.

Hermione looked a little embarrassed.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: That was a rhetorical question._**

Harry couldn't help but smile. Ron covered his laughing with a cough.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor._**

"Twenty points!?" Ron exclaimed.

"For answering a question?" Sirius said.

"Dumbledore would never really have done that," Lily frowned.

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Thanks Hermione._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: As I was saying, when the Tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four Houses would compete in a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory._**

"So the Triwizard Tournament with Hogwarts students," Ginny reasoned.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Kind of like a House Cup – no, a Triwizard Tournament!_**

Ginny shrugged as a few people laughed.

"This isn't a real tournament, is it?" Harry asked Hermione.

"No," Hermione answered. "I've never heard of it, anyway."

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament. Except, no, not like that at all. There are four Houses. How could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?_**

Everybody looked at Harry.

"You tell me," he said bitterly to the screen.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Well, Professor, if I remember correctly the House Cup Tournament was_** _ **dispended after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.**_

"Foreshadowing or just a fact?" Remus asked the room in general.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks._**

"No they don't," Hermione said. "You only win glory and a cup! That's not worth dying for."

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points!_**

"I don't like this Dumbledore much," said Lily.

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Thanks Hermione!_**

"Why is that a thing we do?" asked Harry.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: God, for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes. (Laughter)_**

Hermione looked a bit said at this.

"Hey, he did call you the cleverest witch of your age, did he?" Ron said, trying to cheer her up.

"Right before insulting her," Ginny said matter-of-factly. "Again." Ron glared at her.

 ** _Ten point to Dumbledore._**

"Well, that's something I can imagine the real Dumbledore doing," Sirius said. "Giving himself points, I mean."

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yes yes, well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to – (sneeze)_**

"Did–did Voldemort just sneeze?" Remus asked slightly baffled.

There was a pause. Sirius and James made the mistake of looking at each other and both fell into hysterical fits of laughter. The others were following soon after.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Did your turban just sneeze?_**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: What? No!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: No, that – that was simply a fart. Excuse me. (Sneeze)_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Oh, Jesus! Oh my god, ow…_**

"It's so obvious!" Lily said, still laughing with the others.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I must be going. (Sneeze) I simply farted once more. Excuse me._**

Sirius could barely breath from laughing so much. Ginny was taking deep breaths to try and calm herself, failing, she started laughing with the others again. Snape was chuckling softly from his armchair.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: In accordance with the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion form every house will be selected to compete!_**

"Wonder who will me chosen from Gryffindor," Ron said looking at Harry.

"A real mystery," Harry laughed. "It will probably be Neville."

"Oh yes," Ron said solemnly. "Absolutely." The he started laughing again.

 ** _So, Snape, will you do us the honours please?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Yes, Headmaster._**

"That voice," James whispered, more to himself than anyone else. He had calmed down a bit and was drying a tear from his eye.

 ** _First, from the Ravenclaw House… Miss Cho Chang._**

 ** _Cho_** ** _: Oh my god, I won! I can't believe it y'all._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Next from Hufflepuff…_**

"Cedric Diggory," Harry murmured, the laughter gone now.

 ** _Mr Cedric Diggory._**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Well, I don't_** ** _find_** ** _this surprising at all._**

"Me neither," Harry said. He knew where this would end.

 ** _Cho_** ** _: I find it perfect! Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend._**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: I'm glad as well, my darling._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: And next, from the Slytherin House… Draco Malfoy._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Ha, oh! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time!_**

"What are you doing?" Malfoy said loudly to his musical self.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Draco, would you sit down, you little shit! Champion's just a title._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: And finally, form the Gryffindor House… Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life._**

"Hm, wonder who that could be," Harry said sarcastically.

 ** _Neville_** ** _: If-if it's me I'll-I'll apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for-for losing._**

"Oh Neville," said Hermione.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Sit down you inarticulate bumble. It's Harry Potter._**

"I'm so surprised!" Harry said, again very sarcastically.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!_**

"Ron, you need to calm down," Hermione giggled.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months and it could be anything… So lets get to it!_**

"I'm guessing dragons," Harry said.

"I think that's a safe bet," Hermione agreed looking slightly worried.

 ** _Students_** ** _: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey…_**

Ginny got up from the sofa the second the video stopped. "Before we watch the next one, I have to pee," she said quickly, walking towards the door with the ' _Bathroom'_ sign.

"Hurry up," Hermione called after her. "I have to go as well."

"Anyone else hungry?" James asked.

"Starving," Ron and Malfoy in unison. They looked at each other then quickly looked away pretending nothing had happened.

"I think I'll check out the kitchen," Lily said, getting up.

"I'll come with you," Harry said quickly, getting up too. Lily grinned at him.

"I'd love that," she said lovingly.

 **A/N: Review and all that, please and thank you.**


	4. Part 4

_Part 4_

The kitchen was rather big and, as it turned out, had everything they needed to make a delicious dinner for everybody. Harry was cutting vegetables. After a short while however he noticed Lily was watching.

"What?" he asked.

"You look so much like James," she answered, shaking her head. "It's almost scary. I can't believe how grown up you've become." She continued preparing dinner as she talked. "And all the things you've been through. I thought I was young when I fought in the war. No child should have to go through that. You could have died!"

"But I survived, now, didn't I?" Harry said on the edge of laughing. Bustling around the kitchen, worrying about his safety, Lily reminded him immensely of Mrs. Weasley.

There was a moment of silence as Lily looked up and met the eyes that were so much like her own.

"I couldn't have done that without you," Harry continued. He fixed his stare at the floor, the urge to laugh suddenly gone. He swallowed hard. "I miss you a lot, you and dad. Every day."

He felt his mother embrace him and he returned the hug whole-heartedly. Lily let go of him. She was smiling sadly.

"We miss you a lot, too," she assured him.

She kissed his forehead and they went back to cooking.

Seconds later Ron came into the kitchen followed by Hermione.

"Is the food ready yet?" he asked.

"Not yet," Harry told him.

"It would be ready faster if you helped," Lily hinted at them.

"We'll set the table," Hermione said cheerfully, dragging Ron with her to get plates and cutlery.

Soon they were calling the others to the table.

Ginny entered the kitchen telling Harry they'd checked the remaining four rooms: "They're bedrooms," she told him as she put potatoes on her plate.

"A good thing, too," Ron said, swallowing a mouthful of food. "I'm exhausted, aren't you?"

Harry nodded. It truly had been a long day. He could hear his mother talking to Snape at the other end of the table.

"Your character is _so_ funny!" she said. Harry figured they were talking about the musical.

"I'm glad you enjoy it," Snape said and Harry saw that he was smiling slightly. Not a smirk, but a proper smile. "I personally find this whole situation a bit foolish. Why would I want to watch a musical about Potter's – um, Harry's – life?"

"Yeah," James said. "Why are you here?"

"James…" Lily warned him.

"It's just a question," James defended himself.

"I have no idea," Snape answered him with forced politeness. "I certainly didn't ask for it."

"You're no fun anymore," Lily joked.

The table filled with conversation from every angle. Most of it friendly, though it fights almost broke out a few times between James, Snape and Sirius. Lily and Remus put a stop to any possible heated argument as fast as possible.

"We should decide who will share a room," Hermione suggested at the end of the meal. "There are only four rooms."

"I guess you want your own room?" Lily said to Snape.

"I'd like that," he agreed.

"So if I share with Ginny and Hermione…?" Lily suggested.

"That'd be great!" Hermione said. Ginny nodded, grinning.

"Draco can share with me and Ron," Harry said. Both Ron and Malfoy looked at him, but they didn't say anything.

"That leaves us then," James grinned at his two best friends.

"Just like old times," Remus laughed as Sirius cheered and pulled them both into an uncomfortable hug.

"Then that's settled," Hermione said standing up. "Who'll do the dishes?"

Shortly after they were ready in front of the TV again, settling in for the next part of AVPM.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Harry, you got this tournament in the bag!_**

"No I haven't," Harry said. "I'm twelve in this! I'm not prepared!"

 ** _Harry_** ** _: I don't know, man. Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome – NOT! He sucks, we're totally gonna win! It's in the bag._**

"Cedric wasn't that bad," Harry sighed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I don't know, Harry –_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up!_**

"Ronald!" Hermione said indignantly.

"What?" Ron asked. "I never actually did this Hermione!"

 ** _Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?_**

"I don't do that," she said looking at the others, "right?"

"Of course not!" Ginny said in a tone that indicated Hermione was stupid for ever thinking something like that.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Dangerous? Oh come on, Hermione, how dangerous could it be, especially for me?_**

"It's even more dangerous for you," said Ginny.

"Everything is more dangerous for me," Harry mumbled.

Ginny smiled and kissed his cheek.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Well, you're not invincible, Harry. Somebody died in this tournament._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Uh, I'm the boy that lived, not died._**

Several people around the room started laughing.

 ** _What's the worst that can happen?_**

"You could die!" said Hermione exasperatedly.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: And I don't know about that Quirrell character. You know, first he resurrect_** _ **some horrible ancient tournament and then-then he bumps into you and your scar starts to**_ _ **hurt, and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.**_

"Really? I didn't notice anything," Sirius said, giggling as many others laughed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Come on, think about it. Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires professors?_**

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Dumbledore._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: He's the smartest, most awesomest, practical wizard –_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Beautiful._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: – beautiful wizard in the whole world!_**

"That's also a way to describe him," Lily snorted.

 ** _Why, why would he possibly hire somebody_** _ **that's trying to hurt me?**_

"He obviously wouldn't do it on purpose," said Snape.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Look, I mean, what about Snape?_**

Snape frowned. Everyone looked at him.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Yeah, what about him?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: He's hated you for years. And he's hated your parents too, Harry, everybody_** _ **knows that.**_

"I think that should be 'father', not 'parents," James commented.

 ** _And he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds,_** _ **if not five, possible Gryffindors?**_

"I like that they're not trying to make us believe there are more students," Remus chuckled.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Yeah, what a coincidence! We lucked out!_**

"Lucked out?" said Harry. "Really?"

"Well, out of the five you _would_ be our best shot," Ron shrugged. "You can't deny that, mate."

"Not without help, I wouldn't be," Harry pointed out.

"Who said you wouldn't get help?" Hermione asked. "Of course we'll help. Or else this musical is more inaccurate than I thought."

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: No, no. Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort_** _ **you made a lot of enemies. Ones you might not even know about.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Okay, alright, so let me get this straight. So you're saying that this tournament is_** _ **just one big ploy to try and kill me?**_

"Yes," said Hermione simply and others nodded.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I mean, I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't_** _ **think you should do it.**_

"Listen to her!" Harry ordered his musical self.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Alright Hermione. If it means that much to you, I'll drop out._**

Even though Musical Harry did exactly what the real Harry had wanted he knew it wouldn't work. He would not get out of trouble this early in the show. "I have a feeling I won't be able to drop out," said Harry sadly.

"I have a feeling you're right," Ginny agreed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Oh, thank you Harry!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Wait, wait, WHAT?! The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you'd win?_** _ **Come on!**_

"You need to sort out your priorities!" Hermione snapped at Ron. He looked taken aback at first but quickly gathered himself.

"Oh come on, Hermione," he said in an exasperated tone. "You know I would never actually say that, right?"

"I should hope so," she said harshly and turned back to the TV. Ron and Harry's eyes met and Ron shrugged a bit confused.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, eternal glory, already got that._**

"This character is way too cocky," Harry shook his head. Harry heard Lily snort and looked over at her and James. She was grinning, obviously trying not to laugh. Harry noticed that everybody from the older generation, like Lily, was staring at James who looked just a tiny bit embarrassed.

"Fine!" he said loudly. "He sounds like me. I'm an arrogant twat. Can we move on now? Please?" Lily fell into fits of giggles on his lap.

 ** _Besides, Neville will be a great champion._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: No, no, no! I do not want Shlongbottom to be my champion._**

"I think Neville would be a great," said Hermione, not sounding overly confident.

"Now maybe," Harry responded. "Not in our second year, he wouldn't." Ron shook his head grimly.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Look, all you have to do – hold up, there's Dumbledore. Why don't you just talk_** _ **to him now and tell him you're dropping out?**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really, really cool. We're just super_** _ **tight and I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or disrespectful or anything, so can**_ _ **you just tell – why don't you tell him? Just tell him I want to work on school or something.**_ _ **Alright? Hey, you've got this one. (Taps nose) You're the best.**_

"Please never tap my nose like that," Hermione frowned. "Also, never send me to do your dirty work for you!"

"I promise," Harry assured her.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Alright._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: You got it._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Okay._**

 ** _Harry:_** _ **Don't worry about it.**_

 ** _Hermione:_** _ **Dumbledore?**_

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Yes, Granger?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I need to talk to you for a moment. It's about the House Cup Tournament. Um,_** _ **well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry**_ _ **Potter should compete.**_

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Granger, why do you always gotta be such a big old stick in the mud, huh?_** _ **Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete.**_

"But it's so obvious!" Ginny sighed.

"The real Dumbledore would have seen reason straight away," said Lily.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Uh, because he wants to study._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you._**

"That's certainly not true!" said Hermione.

"Right," Ron agreed. "You just did it a bit… more than everyone else." Hermione blushed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Uh, okay, well, he wants to focus on the OWLs._**

"Aren't the OWLs several years away?" James wondered. "I thought you were second years?"

"We are," Hermione informed him. "I don't know what my character is trying to achieve with that excuse."

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool. We're_** _ **tight!**_

"We weren't really that close…" Harry murmured.

"Oh please, he loved you, Harry," Hermione dismissed him.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Oh, Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I think it's a rouse, a setup. And I even_** _ **think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**_

"If I was trying to kill him he would've been dead years ago," Snape sneered.

"It's odd thinking about all the times I thought you were trying to kill me," Harry mused. "'Cause there were a lot."

Lily looked a bit shocked by this news.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever_** _ **met!**_

Sirius snorted. "Really?" he asked Snape.

"I can assure you that the relationship between Professor Dumbledore and myself was strictly professional," Snape glared at Sirius who glared back.

 ** _Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill_** _ **me. Huh?**_

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Oh why, Professor Dumbledore!_**

Snape sighed and rubbed his temples when his character came on stage.

 ** _I just happened to be in the kitchen and I this_** _ **delicious sandwich.**_

"Is that a bomb?" Hermione asked.

"Are they implying that Snape is actually the one trying to kill my?" Harry was confused, but so were the others.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Oh, why thank you Severus! See Granger, how thoughtful?_**

"He's not that thick, is he?" Ron said in disbelief.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Uh…_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Here you are Professor. Bomb appetite – I mean, bon appetite. Beep, beep, beep,_** _ **beep, beep, beep.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Um, is that sandwich ticking?_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: It looks like it's licking, finger licking good!_**

Several people groaned. This Dumbledore was really gullible and straight up stupid.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Uh, Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Why, Granger, you gotta listen to Snape more often. You might even get a_** _ **sandwich out of it, I don't know. Granger, what the hell–! Granger what are you doing? (Explosion) You**_ _ **dog gone exploded my sandwich!**_

"It was a bomb," Hermione said shaking her head.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I'm sorry, sir!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete._** _ **You see that cup?**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Yes._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: It's enchanted. Whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the_** _ **results would be bad.**_

"Why am I not surprised," Harry sighed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: What do you mean bad?_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Well… try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every_** _ **molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: A total platinic reversal!_**

"How do you know what it's called?" Ron asked Hermione.

"I don't," she answered. "I've never heard of it before."

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and, Hermione if it makes you feel any_** _ **better, the last guy who died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff, so um…**_

"They're back with the foreshadowing again," Harry sighed sadly.

 ** _I'll keep my eyes_** _ **open and nothings gonna get past old Dumbledore.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Alright…_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: I gotta go make myself another sandwich, although I don't know how it's_** _ **going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!**_

"It was a bomb!" Hermione said again.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Because it was a bomb…_**

She turned red. Luckily her friends knew better than to comment on it.

 ** _Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're gonna have to_** _ **compete in the House Cup Tournament. But don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what**_ _ **the first task is gonna be.**_

 ** _Ron_** ** _: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default._**

"Thanks Ron," Harry grinned.

"No problem mate," Ron laughed.

 ** _Harry:_** **** ** _Alright awesome!_**

 ** _(Goyle carries Draco into the stage)_**

"You have got to be kidding!" Malfoy exclaimed as the rest of the room burst into laughter.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Well, isn't this touching?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh my god, just butt out, Malfoy!_**

"Why is she rolling on the floor all the time?" he looked almost disappointed at his character.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Goyle and I have a bet, you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this_** _ **tournament. I disagree, I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts!**_

"Oh not that again…" Malfoy was now hiding his face in his hands.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Oh! Never heard of it? Huh, figures._**

"It's made up," Lily said. "No one's heard of it."

 ** _Famous Potter doesn't even know about_** _ **Pigfarts.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it. That's like the ninth time_** _ **you've mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts?**_

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy. It's where I'm being_** _ **transferred next year.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Malfoy, I've never heard of that._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars!_**

"What?" Remus asked surprised. A few others laughed.

"Why is this happening to me?" Malfoy murmured, still with his face hidden.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: You know what, Malfoy we're trying to have a conversation here, so if you can just_** _ **leave us alone?**_

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Oh, no, I'm not even here._**

"That's… considerate," Hermione said suspiciously.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Okay, so anyway, I think we can find out what the first task is from Dumbledore._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Dumbledore?_**

"No! Don't talk," Malfoy looked so done with his character at this moment that Harry would have felt sorry for him if it wasn't so funny.

 ** _What an old coot! He is nothing like Rumbleroar._**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: RUMBLEROAR!_**

"Yes, it's absolutely not made up," Ginny rolled her eyes.

"You'd think he'd have come up with something more creative," said James.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Anyway, as I was saying–_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Rumbleroar is the Headmaster at Pigfarts._**

"So much for 'I'm not even here'," Malfoy sighed.

 ** _He's a lion, who can talk._**

"That's the most made up thing I've ever heard!" Hermione said.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Malfoy, if you don't mind we're trying to have a conversation here. It's not like –_** _ **you're not even eating! Get out of here!**_

 ** _Draco_** ** _: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say. We're the only ones in here._**

There was some laughter around the room.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Well, just, come on Malfoy. Just get out of here, please?_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Where are we supposed to go?_**

"Come on, I asked nicely," Harry said.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Ha ha ha!_**

"You were saying?" Malfoy inquired.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Hahaha, ha ha, now you're just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts! It's on Mars! You_** _ **need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship, Potter? I bet you do. (Starts rolling over Harry) You know, not all of us**_ _ **inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.**_

"What are you doing?" Harry said, trying to catch his breath from laughing. So did everyone else.

 ** _Look at this! Look at this._** _ **Rocket ship Potter! Oh, oh Starkid Potter. Moonshoes Potter. Traversing the galaxy for**_ _ **intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: That's it. This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't_** _ **care if you make fun of me, but you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**_

"Now _that_ is more like the real Harry!" Ron said.

"Definitely," Ginny agreed.

"Defending us often, Harry?" James asked, a smile on his face.

Harry blushed slightly and shrugged. "Happens every once in awhile."

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Whoa, not so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Oh, sure just–_**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Back off nerd!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Whoa, scary, scary!_**

"You're so brave Harry," Ginny mocked him.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Not so tough now, are you Potter?_**

"Are you hugging that bench?" Snape said with a raised eyebrow.

"Honestly, I've stopped trying to question my characters actions," Malfoy said, looking in disbelief at his musical self.

 ** _Maybe you should hang out with someone better_** _ **than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.**_

There were reactions all around the room, everyone starting to defend Hermione or criticize Malfoy. Malfoy almost jumped out of his chair.

"It wasn't me! It wasn't me! It was the musical!" he yelled over the shouting and exclamations of the others. "I didn't say it!"

They calmed down a bit.

"That's a terrible thing to call someone!" Lily spat at Malfoy. She crossed her arms over her chest. Somehow her eyes met Snape's for only a second before they looked away.

"Remember when Hermione actually hit Malfoy for calling her that?" Ron grinned.

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "That was brilliant!"

Hermione blushed again, but she was smiling.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-legs Jinx!_**

"Jelly-legs Jinx?" Sirius asked.

"I don't think they know the real words to the spell," said Lily.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: oh, come on!_**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!_**

"That should not have worked," said Remus.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Take it back Malfoy!_**

"Yeah, you show him Hermione!" Ginny cheered at the screen.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Take what back?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!_**

"You said something about priorities earlier," Ron said, looking at Hermione. She simply rolled her eyes at him.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Yeah, and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit_** _ **true.**_

Ron and Hermione both blushed deep red as others around the room giggled.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: I'm sorry!_**

"You look a bit scared there Malfoy," Ginny grinned. Malfoy said nothing, but simply stared silently at the screen.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: And you promise you'll never do it again?_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: I promise!_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Alright! Now the next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it._**

"Not gonna lie," Ron said, "Hermione can be scary sometimes."

"Ronald!" Hermione frowned at him.

"I'm sorry!" he said quickly causing Sirius, James and Harry to snigger.

 ** _Come_** _ **on, Harry, Ron. Let's get out of here! Besides, you already ate all my lunch.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Wow, thanks Hermione._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Yeah. Unjeallify!_**

"That's not the real–" Hermione began.

"–the real spell, we know," Sirius finished for her.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Wow, that was like the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to_** _ **see it though. It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression. Like argh!**_

"Really articulate, Ronald," said Hermione.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Wow, that sucked royal Hippogriff! We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd!_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: I didn't mean what I said, you know. Pigfarts is real! Am I – am I bleeding? Goyle?_**

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: (Sniffs Draco) No!_**

"Does he do that often?" Sirius asked Malfoy. He was struggling not to laugh. "Smell you to check for blood?"

"No, never," Malfoy replied. He didn't seem to know whether he should be amused or terrified.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: I thought maybe– maybe it was a little bit… Wow. I've never been pushed down like_** _ **that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud – whatever.**_

"He's learning," said Lily. James and Sirius chuckled.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter curse was just Unjellify._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Right. I'm not surprised._**

"You have such high expectations of your friends, Malfoy," Hermione said.

 ** _Come on. Let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place._**

"What's Wizards of Waverly Place?" James asked.

"I have no idea," said Hermione.

"Hm, thought it might be a muggle thing."

"It probably is, but I haven't heard about it."

"Well, I think we should go to bed," Lily said. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted." Everybody nodded or mumbled in agreement as they got up and stretched. Saying goodnight to each other, they all went to their earlier assigned rooms.

 **A/N: This chapter is sooo long! And I'm sooo tired! And you better appreciate my efforts!**

 **Also, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago! Yay me!**

 **Reviews, favourites and followers make me happy so do that, please and thank you** **J**


	5. Part 5

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been moving and school started and I have a ton of homework, so what better thing to spend my time doing than writing fanfiction? So anyway... here's the next chapter.**

Part 5

The next day, after everybody had woken up and eaten breakfast, they were yet again sat in front of the TV together. The video starts. On the screen they see Quirrell enter the stage.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Fools! They're all fools! They think they're safe, they think they're back for_** _ **another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little did they know the danger**_ _ **that's lurking right under their noses, or should I say, at the back of their heads? (Pulls off turban)**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Aaah!_**

They were startled at first, but quickly recovered and began to laugh.

 ** _(Cough) I can't breath in that damn turban._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I'm sorry, my Lord, it's a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you lived,_** _ **that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden_** _ **Forest,**_

"It wasn't the Forbidden forest," Hermione informed. "That would've been extremely foolish of him and not to talk about–"

"Hermione," Ron stopped her. "You're right. He would never have hidden there. Lets move on, shall we?"

Hermione nodded.

 ** _eating bugs and mushrooms and, ugh, unicorn blood._**

"That's horrible!" Lily said.

"Those poor unicorns," Hermione agreed sadly.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes, nobody must know any of that._**

"How lucky they just happened to explained the whole situation out loud then," Sirius said sarcastically, a grin on his face.

James laughed. "Of course, that's the best way to keep things secret."

 ** _Now, Quirrell, get me some water! Quirrell,_** _ **pour it in my mouth! (Quirrell pours water in Voldemort's mouth)**_

Everyone laughed.

"This looks ridicules," Lily shook her head.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly, my_** _ **Liege.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes, yes, yes, I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups like_** _ **tonight in the Great Hall.**_

"It was his fault," Draco protested.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I'm sorry, my Lord, you sneezed._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: I know that! Get me some Nasonex, you swine! Wash that turban; it tickles my_** _ **nose.**_

"What nose?" Sirius whispered under his breath. Remus heard and snorted making everyone turned to him. He just shook his head.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yes, my Dark King._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Okay. Just relax with the "Dark King", okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily._** _ **You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.**_

By this time the whole room was doubled over with laughter.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yes, yes my– Voldemort._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill_** _ **Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close. I could have touched him.**_

"He doesn't have arms," Harry stated, still with laughter in his voice from earlier.

 ** _Revenge is at_** _ **my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it. It tastes like cool mint.**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: That's our Listerine, Voldemort._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes, excellent. Well, uh, goodnight, Quirrell._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Goodnight. (They lay down on the bed)_**

Again the room is filled with hysteric laughter.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Okay, okay, I can't do this! You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy._**

"Never thought I'd hear the Dark Lord say the word 'Tummy'," said Snape. He didn't sound annoyed at all.

They all looked at him in surprise, but no one said anything.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I always sleep on my back. I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable._**

"So this is their first night together?" Ginny asked.

"Seems so," answered Hermione.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: You roll over right now or I'll… I'll EAT YOU PILLOW! You'll be having a dream_** _ **that you're eating a giant marshmallow, but really you'll wake up and your favourite goose**_ _ **feather pillow will be missing.**_

"A truly evil man," James laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Fine, we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Okay, I guess I can do this._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Well, goodnight._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Goodnight, Quirrell. Hey Quirrell, how long have those robes been on that_** _ **chair?**_

"Really?" Lily sighed in disbelief.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I think they're from last night. I just put them there for now._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan with_** _ **these?**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the_** _ **morning, okay?**_

"It's like they're married," Ron said.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Ah, no! No, no that's not okay. I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty_** _ **clothes on that chair. The chair is going to start smelling like dirty clothes.**_

"This is a side of Voldemort I really wish was true," Sirius said hopefully. He glanced at Snape who shrugged.

"I couldn't tell you if I wanted to."

"You're useless."

"What?" James exclaimed. "Are you telling me the Death Eaters never had any sleepovers?" He sighed heavily. "What's the point of an evil organisation then?"

Malfoy turned his head to hide his grin, however he could not hide the snort that escaped him.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I command you to get up and fold them at_** _ **least! Make it into a neat pile!**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn_** _ **how to live with each other. Now, I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, and**_ _ **sometimes I leave laundry around.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Well, I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place,_** _ **Mudbloods have their place,**_

Hermione and Lily frowned especially deeply at the use of the M word.

 ** _and so. Do. Your. Clothes! Namely a dresser!_**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Well, aren't we an odd couple?_**

"I can feel a song coming," Ginny said cheerfully.

 ** _(Singing) You won't sleep on your tummy._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: You won't sleep on your back._**

 ** _Both_** ** _: We're quite the kooky couple, you'll agree._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: We share some hands and fingers._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: And yet the feeling lingers._**

 ** _Both_** ** _: We're just about as different as anyone can be._**

"What?" Harry laughed.

"I really love this," Ron said, also laughing. (In fact, there's quite a lot of laughter coming from everyone throughout this song. Hm, can't imagine why…)

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: You think that you should rule the world. I think books are a thrill! Sipping tea by_** _ **the fire is swell.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: And you have no friends, hey, that's a surprise._**

 ** _Both_** ** _: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can_** _ **be.**_

"I really _really_ love this," Ron said, a huge grin on his face.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of lords._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I'm the brightest professor here. I've won several awards._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: My new world is about to unfold._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: You got beat by a two-year-old._**

"I wasn't even turned two," Harry said.

"Even better," said James. They looked at each other and smiled.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: I'll kill him this time through and through!_**

"No you won't," Ginny murmured.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Or you might just give him another tattoo._**

Harry's hand instinctively shot up to his scar.

 ** _Both_** ** _: You really must agree, when you look at you and me, we're different, different as_** _ **can–**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: –I'll rise again and I'll rule the world, but you must help me renew. For when_** _ **our plan succeeds–**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Prevails!_**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: –part of that world goes to you._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers._**

"I'm pretty sure he could do that anyway," Ginny commentated.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: When I rule the world I'll have snakes._**

"He already has one," said Harry.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: And Jane Austen novels!_**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: And goblins and werewolves, a fleet of Dementors and giants and thestrals_** _ **and all my Death Eaters!**_

 ** _Both_** ** _: When I rule the world! (Evil laughter)_**

"What the bloody hell did we just watch?" Sirius asked.

"I really don't know," James answered, "but it was brilliant."


	6. Part 6

Part 6 

**_Hermione_** ** _: (Harry sits and play's guitar) Harry, don't you think you should try and figure out what the first is gonna be?_** _ **You could actually die if you're not ready.**_

"You're telling me?" said Harry.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for me? Can't you just prepare all my_** _ **stuff for me?**_

Hermione looked at Harry with slight annoyance. Harry gave her what he thought was an apologetic smile.

 ** _What are you doing right now?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I'm writing your Potions essay._**

Harry quickly turned to Snape. "Before you say anything, I did all my own homework!"

"Judging by its content," Snape responded with a smirk, "I don't doubt that you did."

Most people in the room glared at him, but Lily, surprisingly, laughed and whispered 'burn' under her breath. She realised people were giving her puzzled looks, so she cleared her throat. "I am sure you did great in school, Harry."

"'Great' might be pushing it," said Ron.

"He did better than you," Hermione informed him. His ears turned red as Harry laughed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that can you_** _ **prepare for the first task, please?**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Yeah._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Thank you. You're the best. (He taps her nose) You got it. Thanks, Hermione. (Ginny enters doing the pencil-trick) Hey, Ginny, come here. I_** _ **wanna show you something. Come here.**_

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Hey, Harry Potter._**

"Why do I keep saying your full name?" Ginny shook her head. "I never did that."

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Listen, I wanna play this song I'm working on. I met this girl that I really, really like_** _ **and I wanna let her know that she's really special.**_

"How much do you wanna bet it's Cho Chang?" Sirius asked James in a stage whisper. Harry ignored him.

 ** _So, well I just wanna know what you_** _ **think. Just for the purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'll put your name**_ _ **where her name should be, but I don't think it really gonna work out, because, well, let me**_ _ **just give it a shot.**_

"I think I can see where this is going…" Ginny sighed.

 ** _(Singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny…_** _ **Ginny. I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie… Ginny.**_

"I like how he just happened to write a song where everything rhymes with Ginny," James said.

 ** _Wanna take_** _ **you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny… Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, wanna**_ _ **take you up to Winnipeg. That's in Canada!**_

"It even has a geography lesson," Remus said half impressed.

 ** _Ginny Ginny Ginny – (Speaking) You know_** _ **what? This doesn't work with your name at all. It doesn't work.**_

"Yeah, not at all," Ron rolled his eyes.

 ** _But I don't know, how does_** _ **that make you feel, emotionally?**_

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Wow… Wowie, Harry Potter!_**

"That's not an answer!" Ginny said loudly.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?_**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: I think it already has._**

Ginny buried her face in her hands.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Yeah? Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang!_**

"Called it," Sirius said.

"Well, it was pretty obvious," Malfoy said, taking away Sirius' joy in a heartbeat.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Oh yeah… she is beautiful._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What are you nuts? Beautiful? More like supermegafoxyawesomehot!_**

"Now, there's a word I haven't heard before," Remus smiled.

James turned to Lily with a grin. "You're totally supermegafoxyawesomehot."

"Aw, you're such a dork," said Lily and kissed James tenderly.

"Get a room," said Sirius.

"Get a girlfriend," James shot back, not taking his eyes off his wife.

 ** _She's the_** _ **hottest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more**_ _ **interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends. She's a lot more better**_ _ **and awesome.**_

Hermione and Ginny glared at Harry who shrunk in his seat.

"I would never say that," he defended himself. "I'm dating you, aren't I?" He asked Ginny whose glare softened. "And the only thing me and Cho could actually talk about was Quidditch. I wouldn't call that interesting."

"Whatever," Ginny said as turned her gaze back at the screen in time with Hermione. But Harry could detect a tiny smile on her face.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: What's up, Neville? (he slaps Neville)_**

"Why am I always eating?" Ron asked no one in particular.

 ** _Neville_** ** _: Ah!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Move, move, move, move, move, move. (Ginny moves and pushes Hermione off the bench) Awesome. Hey, Harry, what's up? So I was just_** _ **offstage hanging out with Hagrid**_

"Offstage?" Malfoy said.

"Casually breaking the fourth wall," said Lily.

 ** _and I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages_** _ **into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Giant cages? I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first_** _ **task! Harry, we have to find out what it is.**_

"Yes Harry," Harry said. "Listen to Hermione."

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey. Hey, guys, chill. I'm busy. (plays guitar)_**

Harry sighed loudly.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Harry Potter. (takes guitar)_**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!_**

"A bit of an overreaction, don't you think?" Hermione said.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Guys, now listen! This could be a matter of life and death._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after hours, okay? And we can't leave the_** _ **Gryffindor House.**_

"Since when has Ron been the reasonable one?" Harry asked bemused.

"Yeah?" Hermione frowned.

 ** _We'll probably get in trouble if we do. And even if we do, Shlongbottom over_** _ **there will probably tell on us.**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Neville won't tell._**

 ** _Neville_** ** _: Oh yes I certainly will!_**

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny laughed.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: What're we gonna do?_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: It's simple, guys, the cloak._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Of course._**

 ** _Harry, Ron and Ginny_** ** _: The cloak._**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Wait, what cloak?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Shut up! (clap)_**

"Wait Harry," James said. "I know you said you had my cloak, but how did you get it? You never said."

"Oh right, Dumbledore gave it to me," Harry answered. "For Christmas when I was eleven."

 ** _Harry_** ** _: (Neville says something about the bathroom then leaves) You see, my first year at Hogwarts I got a present–I got a present left_** _ **for me. Oh, bye Neville. I got a present last year. My first year at Hogwarts. And, um, it**_ _ **was left to me by my dad, the dad that's dead. My father is dead. I have a dead father.**_

"We get it," James said loudly, sounding a bit bitter.

 ** _I use_** _ **it to solve mysteries and stuff. My Invisibility Cloak!**_

"Wow… that's, uh…" Remus started.

"…Red," James and Sirius said.

"And small," Ron added.

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Wow, oh boy, wowie Harry Potter. A real Invisibility Cloak! Oh, oh, oh, oh, do you_** _ **know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Oh man, I would kick, eh I would kick wiener dogs._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare mean people._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: I'd use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror._**

"Well, that's depressing," Ron said on an almost matter-of-factly tone.

 ** _Harry:_** ** _That's a bummer._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Jesus, what's wrong with you?_**

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch_** _ **people cry at the funeral.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom. Alright?_** _ **Let's get out of here.**_

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, where do you think you're going?_**

"Really?" Ginny commanded. "Why am I not allowed to come with you?"

"Hey," Ron responded. "I have no power over what happens in this musical."

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: Um, with you guys?_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: No, no, no way. No kid sisters allowed, okay? (clap) Besides, there's only enough room_** _ **under this cloak for two people, so, uh, come on Hermione, come on.**_

 ** _Ginny_** ** _: (Hermione gives Ginny the guitar)_**

"Oh no, I'm gonna sing…" Ginny muttered.

 ** _(singing) The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see_** _ **through my disguise, and I'm under his spell. Everything is falling and I don't know where**_ _ **to land. Everyone knows who he is, but they don't know who I am. (Starts dancing with guitar)**_

The room erupted with laugher and Ginny groaned loudly.

 ** _Harry, Harry, why can't_** _ **you see what you're doing to me. I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're**_ _ **just standing there you take away my breath, and maybe one day you'll hear my song and**_ _ **understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say, when I say Harry,**_ _ **harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me…**_

Ginny had become redder and redder throughout the song. Harry leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled at him.

"That was adorable," said Lily fondly.

"Shall we continue to the next video?" Remus asked. Everyone said yes. Some because they knew they had to. Others because they genuinely wanted to.

 **A/N: Yet another chapter done.  
Review and all that, please and thank you :)**


	7. Part 7

Part 7

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Master, Master! The shipments for the first task of the Tournament have just_** _ **arrived!**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes, I know, Quirrell. I hear everything that you hear._**

People laughed and Ginny was grateful they had moved on from her humiliation and embarrassment.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Isn't it wonderful Master? We made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn_** _ **from the Cup and soon he will be ours.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yes. It's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so_** _ **well, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell? How's about we**_ _ **go out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hogs Head.**_

Those of them who knew what karaoke is laughed. Others chuckled at how ridiculous the idea of Voldemort and Quirrell going out together was.

"Karaoke?" Malfoy asked. "What's that?"

"It's something Muggles do," Harry said.

"Drunk people who can't sing get up in front of everybody and sing songs to which they only barely know half the lyrics," Lily elaborated.

"Sounds like fun," Malfoy said sarcastically.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I don't know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much_** _ **attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Ah, come on Quirrell. You've been working so hard all year. You deserve a_** _ **night off.**_

"This is so surreal…" Remus said under his breath.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: But the papers?_**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Oh, just give them all B minuses and be done with it._**

Hermione gasped. "He wouldn't!"

"It's not real, Hermione," Harry reminded her.

"B minus?" James asked looking over at his wife.

"Muggle grades," she explained, shrugging.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Now that's evil._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Huh, yeah, thanks, I am the Dark Lord._**

Laughter filled the room again.

 ** _Come on, just a few drinks. Hey, we'll_** _ **try to pick up some chicks!**_

"Could you imagine being hit on by You-Know-Who?" Ginny asked with a grin.

"That's a terrifying thought," Hermione shuddered.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I wouldn't know what to say. I'm no good at that._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Come on, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking._**

"That would never work," Lily rolled her eyes amused.

 ** _Quirrell,_** _ **man, listen!**_

Laughing. Again. This line is hilarious!

 ** _I may just be a parasite on the back of your head who's literally devouring your_** _ **soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit**_ _ **fun once on a while. You deserve this.**_

"It's weird seeing him being so nice," Ron said.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Well, if you put it that way then, yeah, let's just go wild tonight!_**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Ah! That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizards shorts and grab_** _ **your tunic. Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid! Seriously man, back when I had a body,**_ _ **whoo, I had mad game with the bitches.**_

More laughter.

Snape muttered: "This is certainly on the list of things I never thought I'd hear the Dark Lord say."

 ** _Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange._**

Utterings of 'oh no's, 'ew's, 'I did not want to know that's went through the room.

 ** _(Quirrell and Voldemort out. Ron, Hermione and Harry enter under the cloak)_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Shh! Someone's coming!_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Did you just hear something?_**

"You'd think we'd know not to talk while under the invisibility cloak, wouldn't you?" Hermione said dryly.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: No, only quiet, maybe one raindrop._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: No matter. Tell me, Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?_**

"I think I can see where this is going…" Malfoy muttered.

 ** _Goyle_** ** _: Um… Oh, Buckbeak, for sure._**

"Buckbeak isn't even a girl," said Sirius.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Crabbe?_**

 ** _Crabbe_** ** _: Uh, Winky the House-elf._**

"How does Crabbe know about Winky?" Ron asked.

"He wouldn't," Hermione answered, though a bit distracted. She knew what would come, just like Malfoy.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Good one. Obscure! You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school?_**

"I can take a guess," Hermione whispered to herself as she glared at Malfoy, who tried to make himself as small as possible in his chair.

 ** _That_** _ **Hermione Granger.**_

"Why am I not surprised?" Hermione said in a low exasperated tone.

 ** _You know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten with one– one_** _ **would be the ugliest and then ten the most pretty? I would give her… an eight.**_

There was a moment of puzzled silence.

"… What?" Ginny looked around utterly perplexed. No one looked wiser. None of them had expected that high of a number.

"Are you entirely sure you understood your own rating system?" Sirius asked Malfoy who just looked dumbfounded on the screen.

 ** _An eight point_** _ **five, or a nine. Not– not over a nine point eight.**_

"Thank you, Draco," Hermione marvelled. "I didn't expect this of you."

"You do realise I never actually said this, right?" Malfoy inquired.

"Yes, but I will continue to pretend that you did," Hermione gave him a friendly smile and he rolled his eyes at her, not wanting to argue.

 ** _There is always room for improvement. Not_** _ **everyone's perfect, like me. That's why I am holding out for a ten, because I'm worth it!**_

"You wish," Ron whispered under his breath.

 ** _Come on, let's go!_**

They laugh as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle conveniently misses the trio hiding under the cloak.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Wow, what a bunch of jerks._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Alright, forget them. Now, where did you say you saw those crates being_** _ **delivered?**_

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well, I think they were being delivered to the auditorium, so they should be at the end_** _ **of this hallway and to the left. Look!**_

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: A goat?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: A goat? Oh my God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally._**

"I would gladly fight a goat if it meant I didn't have to face a dragon," Harry remarked.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, Headmaster._**

Snape sighed audibly as his character walked on stage.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Feeding time? Dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Did he just say dragons?_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Did you just say 'did he just say dragons'?_**

Sirius and James lost it at this comment.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have know to_** _ **have shut up, Potter.**_

The others now lost it as well.

"How nice of him to not give you detention," James said between laughs. "You are walking round after hours after all."

"Oh, I had forgotten that," Harry said grinning at his father.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?_**

"Wait," Harry said. "They keep saying 'fight'. Do I actually have to _fight_ the dragon? Not just get an egg?" He looked at Hermione for an answer, almost as a reflex.

She shrugged. "It's possible. Quite honestly, I don't think anything they choose to do in this musical would surprise me any more."

Harry agreed. The makers of the musical had certainly taken some artistic liberties when it came to his life. And everybody else's for that matter.

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: No, Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like, here I am_** _ **alive and well today, when I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.**_

"Foreshadowing?" Lily asked uncertainly, glancing in Snape's direction. His face was neutral.

"Probably," Hermione nodded.

"Snape _did_ kill Dumbledore," Ron said.

"But Dumbledore planned that, didn't he?" Malfoy asked.

Harry could see what Malfoy meant. "It certainly doesn't seem like Dumbledore's musical persona is expecting Snape to kill him…"

More eyes moved to Snape who was now frowning.

Malfoy looked at Harry. "They're not gonna make him the bad guy in this, are they?"

Harry met Malfoy's eyes and shrugged. "I don't know."

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Why that's absurd._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room? I have some really_** _ **kicking posters on my wall.**_

"It's so odd imagining Dumbledore talk like that," Remus shook his head, though he was smiling.

"I wish he'd talked like that!" Sirius chuckled.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Well, I am rather tired. (They stretch and conveniently miss the trio)_**

They laugh.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Aw man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a_** _ **little kid?**_

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Alright, well, maybe it won't be that bad, Harry. Maybe- maybe you'll just have to_** _ **fight, like, Mushu from Mulan or something.**_

"Who, or what, is Mushu?" James asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's a tiny red dragon in a kids movie. He's harmless, I think," Hermione said uncertainly. People where still looking at her with puzzled looks so she sighed. "A muggle thing, for sure."

 ** _I don't know, maybe like Puff the Magic_** _ **Dragon or something…**_

"Another muggle dragon," Hermione said before anyone could ask. "Very friendly."

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry could die! Now, look, there's still time, alright?_** _ **We just need to figure out a plan.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Okay, well, we should probably do that back in the Common Room. Where is – wait,_** _ **where's the Invisibility Cloak?**_

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Well, I threw it over that magical walking chair over there – oh… crap._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Oh, that's… that's gonna be an issue._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Yeah._**

"Yeah, James," Lily said in a fake cold tone. "That would be an issue."

James shifted awkwardly in his chair, looking anywhere but at Lily. "I'm sure it would be."

"What did he do?" Sirius begged eagerly.

"Nothing," James grinned.

"He almost lost Harry," Lily said over him.

"What?" Harry laughed.

"That is a lie!" James insisted. "I knew he was on the sofa… somewhere. I only looked away for like two seconds."

"Why would you wrap him in the invisibility cloak in the first place?" Remus asked, laughing.

"That's what I said!" Lily laughed with him.

"I thought it would be funny," James said loudly, trying to be heard over his friends' laughter. "And it was! Until I couldn't find him," he finished in a mumble.

"Should we just continue with the musical," Snape asked, seemingly unaffected by the story.

"Yes, of course," Lily agreed, gathering herself and turning towards the TV again.

 **A/N: Review and all that, please and thank you with sugar on top!**


	8. Part 8

Part 8

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: I thought walking home drunk was hard before._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: We should have realised that with both of us drinking into on belly we'd get_** _ **twice as drunk.**_

"I'm sorry to say this, but they're kinda cute, don't you think?" Lily said.

"Cute?" James looked at her.

"Yeah, I see what you mean," Ginny answered.

"Seriously?" Sirius looked at them as if he was worried about their mental health.

Ron did the same. "This is You-Know-Who and Professor Quirrell we're talking about, you know?"

"Actually it's actors portraying the two," Hermione told him. "Or rather some version of the two. And let's be honest, these characters are nothing like they were in real life."

"Still," James muttered, "it's weird." Lily rolled her eyes and kissed him.

 ** _Hey Quirrell! Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell,_** _ **Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, you remember that girl you were talking to?**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yeah._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Remember that girl you were talking to? I was talking to her sister on my_** _ **side.**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: She didn't know that –_**

 ** _Both_** ** _: – we were the same person!_**

"How could they possibly not realize that?" Harry sighed.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: You know, I haven't had– I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless_** _ **Nick's– Nick's Death Day party of '91.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: I haven't had this much fun since uh – yeah well, shit, I can't remember ever_** _ **having this much fun.**_

"Aw, that's so sad," Ginny cooed.

Ron raised his eyebrows at her. "Again, this is You-Know-Who we're talking about here."

"Oh, shut up!"

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: You never had fun, ever, doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil._**

"He's evil because he didn't have any fun?" Lily said sadly.

"I can imagine that to be true," Malfoy said in an almost inaudible tone.

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yeah, maybe. It definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods_** _ **make me sick to my stomach, but uh, yeah I guess you could me right. I guess. I mean, it's**_ _ **kinda funny.**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: What is it, Voldemort?_**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Oh, it's just that I never, I never ever really ever, I never really ever ever really_** _ **ever**_

"He's like you when you're drunk!" James grinned at Sirius who gave a barking laugh.

 ** _considered another reason for me being so evil, you know, 'cause normally I just– I_** _ **just kill people that try to make me open up, you know. Oops! But, uh, it's kinda nice to**_ _ **just, um, it's kinda nice to just talk.**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Yeah, you know, I have to admit, I was kinda nervous when you first_** _ **commanded that you attach yourself to my soul.**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yeah, I could sense that._**

There were some giggles floating around the room.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: But like, now I think it's, it's kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate_** _ **or even –**_

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Yeah, like a slave. Like a Death Eater._**

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: No man, it's like having a friend._**

Lily let out an audible 'aw' that attracted the attention of everyone in the room. She looked at them. "What? That's adorable!"

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: I've never had a friend before._**

"For dome reason I don't doubt that," Sirius said.

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: Well, looks like you've got one now._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: Who would have thought that in the beginning of this year we'd feel like_** _ **that for each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: (Singing) I guess it's plain to see when you look at you and me, we're different,_** _ **different as can be.**_

 ** _Both_** ** _: We simply guarantee, when you look at you and me, we're different, different, as_** _ **can be.**_

 ** _Quirrell_** ** _: It's a comedy of sorts when you're bound to Voldemort._**

 ** _Voldemort_** ** _: And I'm happy as a squirrel, as long as I'm with Mister Quirrell._**

 ** _Both_** ** _: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter. We're different,_** _ **different, different, different as can be.**_

"That took a turn…" Harry said looking at the black screen.

 **A/N: Review and all that, please and thank you.**


	9. Part 9

**A/N: Hey! I'm back! :D I'm sure all this time you've all just been sitting completely still in your chairs doing nothing but waiting for the next chapter. And finally… here it is!**

Part 9

 ** _Snape_** ** _: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the Champions' tent in preparation for_** _ **the first task.**_

Harry sighed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Ah man, I can't believe we gotta skip lunch period because of this stupid task._**

"Yup, that's definitely the worst part about this," said James amused. Harry smiled and some of the others sniggered.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Okay, Harry, today is the day. The day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read_** _ **those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: No._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: What? Why not?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Are you kidding me? They were so boring._**

"I'm so glad you're not like this in real life," Hermione groaned.

"Me too," Harry agreed.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: So y-y-you didn't read them? You didn't prepare at all – you're not prepared at_** _ **all?**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Well no, at least I have my wand… um… I brought my–_**

"You didn't even bring your wand?" Hermione looked like the stupidity of the Harry character physically hurt her.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: (pulls out wand) Harry?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, cool. (Nose tap) You're the best._**

Hermione let out a quite audible 'ugh' which made Harry and Ron snort.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Harry just, please don't die today._**

"I'll try," Harry gave her a smile, which she returned.

 ** _(Hugs) I don't wanna see my best friend be eaten by_** _ **a dragon.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, hey, relax, okay? Save those tears for my funeral._**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: So, tell me more about this Pigfarts._**

Malfoy groaned loudly, hiding his face in his hands.

 ** _I find it to be very interesting._**

"Again with the find-jokes," Sirius shook his head, though he was smiling.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because_** _ **there's no atmosphere on Mars. So if a single docking bay door opens you'll probably die.**_

"Cheerful," said Ginny.

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: My, how dreadful!_**

"He said, still smiling widely," Lily laughed.

"Was he even close to this in real life?" James asked.

"No," said Hermione.

"Not at all," said Harry.

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Well, but the good news is if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you_** _ **ride around on his back!**_

"Yay," Malfoy said sarcastically.

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: And he's the Headmaster lion?_**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Who can talk._**

"This is ridiculous," Malfoy said under his breath.

"I don't think anyone's denying that," Snape noted.

There was a general murmur of noncommittal agreement.

"But that doesn't mean it's not fun!" Lily pointed out, beaming at them. Snape returned her smile with the softest hint of a smile of his own.

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Cool. Well, hello, Harry. How are you feeling today?_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, Cedric. Trying to stay positive._**

"Really not hiding the fact that you don't like him, Harry," Hermione commented.

"Yeah," said Ginny. "I thought that was more Ron's deal."

"Hey!" Ron would have gone for the attach but Hermione calmed him down.

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Well, good! I'm having a fine time at the championships. Miss Granger._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Hello._**

"Not too enthusiastic yourself, are you?" Harry teased.

 ** _Cho_** ** _: Sugar Pie!_**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: My darling! (They kiss) Was that a kiss for good luck?_**

 ** _Cho_** ** _: No, that was for being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: I hate that guy._**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: It's okay, Harry. You're gonna be great today._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Hello–ah! God, Granger I thought you were a Bogart. I'm terrified of them._**

"What?" said Hermione exasperatedly.

 ** _And what the hell are you doing in the Champions' tent? Get out of here. Ten more points._**

"That doesn't even make sense…" she sighed.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Thanks Hermione._**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: Are you kids ready to fight a draagooon? Of course you're not, you're just_** _ **children, what the hell am I thinking?**_

"Yeah, what the hell _are_ you thinking?" James demanded.

Lily rolled her eyes. "As if you wouldn't have relished at the thought of getting to fight a dragon when you were in school?"

"Well yes, but I don't want our son to do it," he said and kissed her. "Especially when he's supposedly eleven years old."

"Fair enough."

 ** _Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of_** _ **screaming fans. They're either gonna be cheering for you or the dragon, but either way**_ _ **they are gonna make some kind of noise. So, in order for this election process to be fair I am**_ _ **going to randomly select a cardboard cut-out size version of the dragon you'll be**_ _ **defeating.**_

"Oh, but the tiny dragons you got were so cute!" Ginny said almost sadly.

"It burned me and tried to bite my fingers a lot," Harry said, though he had to admit that it had been kind of cool to have a miniature dragon.

"What happened to that thing, anyway?" asked Ron.

"Dunno," said Harry. "I think Crookshanks ate it or something.

 ** _For you, Cedric… Puff the Magic Dragon. Figment, the Imaginary Dragon. The_** _ **Reluctant Dragon. And for you, Potter… the Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing**_ _ **you've ever seen in your whole life! If there are no more complaints then I'll –**_

"What?!" said Harry outraged. "I still have to face a Hungarian Horntail? All the others got cute, made-up, muggle dragons!"

Ginny put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. It worked surprisingly well.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Whoa, wait, wait. Hold on a second! Wait a second. This is terrifying. Those are the_** _ **cutest things I've ever seen.**_

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: This thing is horrifying! Just use you imagination. Disapparate!_**

Harry sighed irritably.

 ** _Ron_** ** _: God, this competition's gonna suck. All these dragons are wimps! Accio Double-Stuff._** _ **Wow, look at that one – Oh my god, monster! Is that yours?**_

"Well that will make me feel better," said Harry. "Thanks Ron."

"Shut up, mate. You're gonna win anyway."

Harry didn't say anything. He knew Ron was right, as did everyone else.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Yeah._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Oh my god, it's awesome. Let me hold it. Oh my god, this thing is terrifying, hope the_** _ **real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious. What are you gonna do?**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this–_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Ron– Ron, you can't be in here, this is the Champions' tent!_**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Miss Granger! What the devil are you doing in the Champions' tent? Ten points_** _ **from Gryffindor!**_

Everyone laughed.

 ** _Harry and Ron_** ** _: Thanks Hermione._**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Bye._**

Everyone laughed even harder. Even Snape was showing a full on smirk

 ** _Cedric Diggory, now is you chance to face you dragon._**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: Okay, fellas, wish me luck!_**

 ** _Cho_** ** _: I believe in you!_**

 ** _Cedric_** ** _: That's all I needed to hear._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Hey, Malfoy. Tell you what; I'll let you switch dragons with me._**

"Please tell me my character isn't thick enough to do that," Malfoy sighed.

 ** _I'll give you the_** _ **chance to switch dragons with me, I'll give you that opportunity. Tell you what– don't**_ _ **worry about it.**_

 ** _Draco: Hm, let me thing about– no._**

"Thank you!" he said as he joined the others in their giggles.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Come on! I'll give you my Gushers._**

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Oh, no, no. I have a Fruit by the Foot, I don't need Gushers._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Cho Chang, your dragon awaits._**

 ** _Cho_** ** _: Well, I can't imagine that this would be very hard._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Then I_** **imagine** ** _it won't be._**

More laughter as Snape and Cho skips off stage.

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Malfoy, come on! Uh, tell you what, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers._** _ **You can make little Gushers-Teddy Grams sandwiches.**_

 ** _Draco_** ** _: Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you've got yourself a deal._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Absolutely not, no._**

"Seriously?" Harry stared at his musical self in disbelief.

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Draco Malfoy, your turn._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Professor Snape? Is there any way, I don't know, forfeit or switch dragons, or maybe_** _ **just take a day off to– wha-what're you, what're you doing? What is that?**_

 ** _Snape_** ** _: I'm protecting you, Potter. Welsh Greenbacks can't stand the taste of Hunt's tomato_** _ **ketchup.**_

 ** _Harry_** ** _: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Greenback, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail._**

 ** _Snape_** ** _: Oh, well silly me. Hunt's tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of_** _ **all.**_

"Of course it is," Harry sighed.

 ** _Good luck, Potter!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: What? No!_**

 ** _Dumbledore_** ** _: And now Harry Potter will battle the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the_** _ **most terrifying thing you'll see in your whole life! It should be noted that this particular**_ _ **dragon has not been fed in two weeks.**_

"They're really laying it on thick, aren't they?" Remus commented.

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Come on, Harry. You can do it, Harry!_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Whoo! You got it, yeah! You got this!_**

 ** _Hermione_** ** _: Just think positive. You can do it! Harry! Harry!_**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: (Dragon eats him) AHH! Oh my god! Uh-uh… Accio guitar! (Singing) Hey dragon,_**

"Aaand I'm singing to the dragon," Harry said. "Of course, why not?"

The room burst into laughter.

 ** _you don't gotta do this. Let's re-evaluate our options, throw away our old assumptions, 'cause really, you don't gotta go through this._**

"I wish it'd been this easy…"

 ** _I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone. The truth is in the end I'm pretty useless without friends._**

"What I've been trying to tell people all this time."

 ** _In fact I'm alone. Spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy – I never even asked for – don't know any spells, still manage to do well, but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living of the glory of a stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky, so level with me buddy. I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me… And all I can do is sing this song for you. Lalalalala._**

 ** _Dragon_** ** _: Lalalalala._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Lalalalala._**

 ** _Dragon_** ** _: Lalalalala._**

 ** _Both_** ** _: Lalalalala._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a Champion. We both just_** _ **jumped on this bandwagon, but all we need is guitar jammin'. So lalalalala.**_

 ** _Dragon_** ** _: Lalalalala._**

 ** _Harry_** ** _: Lalalalala… Goodnight, Dragon. One, two, three! I beat the dragon!_**

 ** _(Cheers)_**

 ** _Ron_** ** _: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!_**

"That's one way of fighting a dragon," said Sirius who was wiping tears of laugher from his eyes.

 **A/N: Yup, that was a good chapter, wasn't it? Totally worth the wait. *sigh* Yeah… Totally…  
Review maybe? Please and thank you oh so very much!**


	10. Part 10

**A/N: *sigh* Here we go again…**

Part 10

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Attention all Hogwarts students! Tonight is our annual Yule Ball, so please remember to pick up your Yule Ball wreath and give it to that special someone. (Ginny enters) Ah, ginger! (Throws Yule Ball wreath)**_

Everybody laughed, even Ginny, from the absurdity of it.

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: Oh, hey Harry Potter.**_

"Oh no…" Ginny sighed, settling better into her seat, preparing to be further embarrassed by her onscreen character.

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Oh, hi Ginny.**_

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: Fancy seeing you here, huh?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Well, it's the cafeteria, so yeah.**_

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: Um, so, um, the Yule Ball's coming up, huh?**_

"Please don't do this…" she whispered so low that only Harry heard it. He grinned at her and rubbed her back in what he hoped was a comforting way.

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Yeah, I know, it is, very very soon. Yeah.**_

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: I was. I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think – I think that time is about now, so if… if you've got something to say just get it out…**_

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: (Squeals and gives wreath to Harry)**_

Ginny groaned loudly, making a few people chuckle.

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Oh, is this for me?**_

"You actually seem happy!" Hermione said hopefully.

"Wonder how you'll ruin it," said Ron with a shit-eating grin on his face, earning him a few giggles from the crowd around him.

 _ **Ah, Ginny, how did you know that I needed a wreath so I could ask Cho Chang? You're the best!**_

"There it is!" laughed James.

 _ **Ginny**_ _ **: Oh… Harry Potter, just – forget it!**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Alright, I will!**_

The room exploded with laughter.

 _ **Cool!**_

"That's horrible," Lily said, trying, and failing horribly, to hide her giggles.

 _ **Hey, hey, Cho Chang, listen, I know the Yule Ball's coming up and I was wondering if, uh, maybe you wanted to go with me? But just in case you're kind of on the fence about it you should know that I play guitar, and that I conquered that dragon's heart with it, so I think I can conquer yours. (Singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny… Cho Chang!**_

"Isn't this the song he sang to Ginny earlier?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah," several people agreed.

 _ **You're the Mickey to my Minnie, I'm the Tigger to you're Winnie… Cho Chang! You're cuter than a guinea pig. I'll take you up to Winnipeg. That's in Canada! Oh! Cho Chang! Ch-ch-ch-ch-China, China, China, Cho Chang! (Speaking) Whatever.**_

 _ **Cho**_ _ **: Well, Harry Potter, bless your heart. Um, but I'm gonna have to say no. That young strapping boy, Cedric Diggory, already asked me and I'm just gonna go with him. Sorry.**_

James let out a low whistle. Lily hushed him.

 _ **Come on, girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go!**_

 _ **Lavender**_ _ **: Yeah!**_

"Now, _that's_ horrible!" Remus said.

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Hey there, good buddy. How yah doing?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: I'm okay.**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Is that a Yule Ball wreath?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Yeah…**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Who you gonna ask?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: I asked Cho Chang, but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory.**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Oh my god, they're going together? That's so great. I love him so – they are so a cute couple!**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: No, no!**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: I hate him.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Yeah!**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: I hate him so much. Oh my god, he pisses me off, wow.**_

The whole room filled with laughter.

"That is true friendship," chuckled Remus.

"Cheers to that, mate," James agreed.

 _ **Ah man, that sucks dude. I don't know why she turned you down, you're like the coolest guy in school.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: I don't, like, get it. I play guitar. I'm Harry Potter. I'm awesome!**_

"Debatable," Draco mumbled under his breath.

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Reese's Pieces?**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Yeah… I don't get it man. I mean, I guess I'll just go stag, huh?**_

Harry sent a side-glance at his father. Looking away he smiled to himself.

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: Yeah, I'll probably go stag too. The only two girls that I know that don't have dates already are Ginny (Thumbs down) and Hermione.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Oh my god. (Thumbs down)**_

"That is so rude, you two!" Hermione reprimanded them.

"Hey!" Ron defended himself. "If you don't remember, _I_ was the one that suggested Harry go with Ginny, but Ginny was already taken! And _I_ asked _you_!" he added.

"I hate to say it, but he's got a point," Ginny nodded.

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: I'm not going with my stupid sister.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out.**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: We are in such a puzzle.**_

"Such a puzzle!" Sirius said. "Whatever will you?"

 _ **Neville**_ _ **: Hi, look at these strapping young men.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **and**_ _ **Ron**_ _ **: Hey, Neville.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Hey, Neville, want this Yule Ball wreath?**_

 _ **Neville**_ _ **: Yeah, if you're willing to part with it I will take this wreath.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Hey, Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid. He can teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes.**_

 _ **Ron**_ _ **: That can only lead to disaster and hilarity. Let's go!**_

A few people giggled.

 _ **(They start leaving) I mean, I just don't know about Hermione. I don't think anyone's asking her, you know, because she's just so butt ugly.**_

 _ **Harry**_ _ **: Hideous!**_

"Excuse me?!" Hermione shrieked.

"Again! I _asked_ you to the Yule Ball!" Ron yelled back in exasperation. "You said no! I never thought you were ugly!"

"Good!" she answered loudly and slightly amused. Ron rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide his smile when Hermione settled down again, leaning against his shoulder.

 _ **Goyle**_ _ **: Give that plant, nerd!**_

 _ **Neville**_ _ **: Ah!**_

 _ **Goyle**_ _ **: Oh, Goyle rules!**_

 _ **Draco**_ _ **: So anyway, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside-down face, lassoed it with my Fruit by the foot and beheaded it with a quick slicing charm, bloody fool. What– Goyle? What are you doing with that wreath? What are you going to ask someone to the Yule Ball?**_

 _ **Goyle**_ _ **: No! Dancing's for nerd.**_

 _ **Crabbe**_ _ **: And pretty girls.**_

 _ **Draco**_ _ **: That's right... Know the last girl I'd have asked to the Yule Ball would be?**_

Malfoy groaned loudly, knowing what would come. James and Sirius sniggered.

 _ **That Hermione Granger. Not even if we were the last two people earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy… Not even then…**_

"I hate this," Malfoy said. "I truly hate it."

"Indeed," Snape agreed solemnly from his chair.

"Oh, cheer up you two," Lily smiled. "It's just a laugh. No one is taking any of this seriously."

"I don't know, Lily," grinned Sirius. "It's all based on real life events. Where did they get the idea to make Malfoy madly in love with Hermione?"

It was obvious Sirius only said it to provoke Malfoy, but nevertheless Malfoy's cheeks had turned just a shade pinker. Though, whether it was from building anger or embarrassment was hard to tell.

"I never-" Malfoy began before Snape interrupted him.

"We know, Draco. Now will you please be quiet so we can finish this utterly pointless experience?"

Malfoy reluctantly settled back into his chair with a frown on his face.

"I think it's cute," Lily shrugged. Malfoy went to say something, but quickly changed his mind under the look Snape gave him.

 _ **You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts. All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs.**_

 _ **Goyle**_ _ **: Dancing is for pansies.**_

 _ **Draco**_ _ **: Right. Hey, you there, what's your name?**_

"So that's Pansy," Ron noted, amused.

 _ **Pansy**_ _ **: Pansy.**_

 _ **Draco**_ _ **: Perfect!**_

They chuckled.

 _ **You're going to the Yule Ball with me. Do you see that dragon? Well, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside-down face…**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Yule Ball decorating crew. Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through. Last minute decorations. My lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived and I've brought the key.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Yes, I know, Quirrell. I hear everything you hear!**_

They laugh again.

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: I'm sorry.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: No, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just nervous, that's all.**_

"They're so cute together…" Ginny said.

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Nervous?**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: No.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Why?**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: I don't wanna talk about it.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Hey, it's just me. You can tell me anything, you know that.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know?**_

"Why are they succeeding in making me feel something other than hate for Voldemort?" Lily questioned hopelessly.

"It's truly scary," Hermione agreed.

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Don't worry. We've mapped out everything. We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him. So just cool down, relax. By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: You're right, you're right. I'm being silly. But, you know I– Quirrell, over the past year I've really grown attached to you. No pun intended.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Yeah, I know what you mean. But hey, we'll still hang out. Just because we're not attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people. No pun intended.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: No, no, of course not! Hey Quirrell, we should make plans.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Evil plans?**_

"Oh, he got so excited," Lily cooed, nuzzling against James.

"Yeah, about evil plans. That's not a good thing," James chuckled.

"Shut up, it was adorable!"

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Oh, uh… no, casual plans. Like, um, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then see a movie at night?**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Yeah, it'll be great because we'll both be able to watch it for a change.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Yeah, yeah… I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds, not have someone behind you all the time.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: And have the privacy of my old life back again. The solitude. (They sigh sadly)**_

"Does this mean Voldemort is having second thoughts about the plan?" Ron asked no one in particular.

"Maybe that's the twist?" Ginny said. "He doesn't get his own body and chooses instead to stay with Quirrell!"

"I really hope you're right," said Harry.

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: No, whatever happens tonight man, it's been a blast.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Yeah, one crazy year. Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie.**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Oh, man, I promise.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: (Hugs himself. They both look content)**_

 _ **Voldemort**_ _ **: Okay, Quirrell, let's go plant that key and split! Pun intended!**_

"And a horrible pun it was!" Sirius said loudly to the screen.

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Why, Professor Quirrell? What on earth are you doing in the Great Dancehall just moments before the dance?**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Just decorating… for the Yule Ball. Last minute decorations, just one final touch.**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: A ladle?**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch.**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: And what's so special about it?**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Let's just say there's Squirt in it.**_

"What's Squirt?" asked Malfoy, grimacing simply at the name.

"I think it's probably some kind of beverage enjoyed by muggles," Hermione said almost impatiently.

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Squirt? Is that not the favourite drink of one Harry Potter?**_

"Nope," said Harry. "Never even heard of it."

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Is it? I had no idea. Well, we better be going–**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: We?**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **:**_ **I** _ **, I better be going. Loud music hurts my ears.**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Okay, well I'll see you later then.**_

 _ **Quirrell**_ _ **: Or maybe you won't!**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Or maybe I will! (Quirrell leaves. Snape tries to do the same)**_

 _ **Dumbledore**_ _ **: Excuse me! It was my fault. Wait, Severus…**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Oh, Headmaster.**_

 _ **Dumbledore**_ _ **: What are you doing in here? Getting some punch, are you?**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Oh, no, no, no, there's Squirt in that.**_

 _ **Dumbledore**_ _ **: Only Harry Potter likes that hog's shit, I'll stick to my Red Bull, thank you very much.**_

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Well, goodnight Headmaster.**_

 _ **Dumbledore**_ _ **: Severus, I – I saved this last dance for you.**_

"I don't know how I feel about that…" James said with and uncertain smile.

"I know how I feel about that," Sirius said. "And I don't feel good."

"Finally, we agree on something, Black," Snape drawled from his seat.

 _ **Snape**_ _ **: Well I would, Headmaster, but you see, well, an old friend is coming back into town tonight. (Laughs suspiciously)**_

 **A/N: God this chapter was a nightmare to write and AN EVEN WORSE NIGHTMARE TO POST! But! No matter. It's done. Review, favourite and follow, please and thank you?**


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